i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
