i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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