question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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