bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
