How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
