4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
