and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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