maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
