My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
She has the best kind of daddy issues
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
