Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
