so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize