I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
