That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
