Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
