Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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