here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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