Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
