dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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