3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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