man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
