She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
