Just fell off a train. Bad.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My pussy is not your playground.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize