My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
