Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
