so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
