Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
