will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
