Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
40s are totally the cure
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
