I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
