saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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