I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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