I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
