I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
