i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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