Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize