sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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