ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
