Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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