Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
