thus making me awesome and them whores
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
