I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
