matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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