whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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