barbara walters just said penis...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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