Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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