I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
