you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
