You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
