The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
