Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
