it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize