If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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