I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
