I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
