I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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