You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
