We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
